Jugnu

Hi me, why there are days and night? after a chaotic day, a walk under the moon and stars is all i need. i listen to the gentle breeze, gazing the brightest star in the sky, whishing for a shooting star, watching the clouds passing the moon, the blue-grayish sky, the slight chilliness, the orange street lights in the distance, the self talks, the silence and the calmness. the night brings back everything together again. ♡.  

  Hi me, there was a me who believed, finding positivity in everyone was right. but i was wrong. acknowledging the negatives are the hardest part. everyone is like a coin. there are sides of positives and negatives. i never looked for negatives. if i find something negative, i turn and look for the positive side, until i realized i should care for the negatives too. it's like i was deliberately not seeing what already is there. i thought it is a sin to find negatives. until now, when the negatives hits,  i realized i am making the positive picture. so, i gave up. i gave up on myself to see what it is not there. ♡.

Hi me, yesterday night i couldn't sleep, i was thinking about social media. i knew what it showing was fake, it's not the full picture, it's not the complete reality. still it affected me. i was comparing myself with others. i believed that what it showing is real. i judged myself. but is there any difference between myself and others? no. i am also like that. making a fake reality by showing a smaller part of my life. making everyone to believe that i am having a perfect life. so somewhere else someone is judging themselves while liking my post. a half truth is also a lie. this is like a cycle. we are comparing over some others half truth, while we are just posting about our half truth. i want to break out from that chain. i want to embrace my imperfections. at least i can be true to myself, more sweet to myself. ♡.

Hi me, finally i got the courage to go and disappear. i knew that, social media is actually affecting me. look, i am not a carefree person. but that didn't bothered me much. what now bother me is the realization of i craved attention, i craved admiration. i did show-off, about my happy moments. but why happy moments alone? why i am showing a very little part of myself to others, rather not show at all. because none of that matter, right! now i am questioning myself, will i enjoy what happened at the moment, if i knew nobody is going to see it? so, i just disappeared. to find the truth about me. to find how can i enjoy my life in my own bubble. may be this is an escapism. don't know that, but may be this is an escape from who i am not. and above all, disappearing myself is the easiest way to forget everyone about me. but, will i ever forget the things that haunting me? ♡.  

Hi me, I often feel that i need to meet strangers. those who do not know me at all. there should not be any connections at all. may be i can find a new me while i am with a stranger. they won't judge me about my past. i can be as new as a baby. i can change into a different personality. i can be a new one that i always wanted to be. nowadays, i want my life to be an unknown one. i wish, people just forget about me. they never cared my existence, then why they remember me! i just want to be unknown. i want a fresh start. i want to reboot myself. but the irony is  even though i am making it new, it is turning into something for my old self to deal. why everything interlinked? ♡.

Hi me, there is something called detachment. I didn't know that it is one of the most difficult thing. few months back i learned that i don't know myself better. may be not at all. i learned that i was lying to myself. i thought somethings are not at all important to me, turned out that those was the things i was most attached. i was shocked to the core. is i am unknown to me? yes, the answer is yes. may be i was pretending to be someone else,  because i had the gut feeling of what going to happen. i don't wanted to break it, i maintained it, and on a fine day everything turned out different. i just surprised and then it was a sea of surprises. now i am turning back i can see that i knew this will be the outcome, still i did it. but it was surprising to me not because of that, not because of the outcome, because of i never knew that i am this much involved. or those things are important to me than i thought. i never understood me. now i am learning detachment. detaching mys...

  Hi me, is myself enough to me? sometimes i find the solitude more than enough. talking to me, simply being myself at ease, listening to our breath and heartbeat. jus myself is enough right. being in our own bubble is comfort. but sometimes that is we all need. be at peace in our own bubble. ♡.

  Hi me, you know memories do hurt a lot. it's like a lightning, just splashed out of nowhere. made me frightened and numb at the same time. but more than anything it broke my heart. I felt heaviness in my chest. my limbs were frozen. my throat was screaming with no voice. my eyes were fixed. all i want to do was to cry, but i couldn't shed a tear. then the memories turn into waves. all the moments came one after another. it was never ending. i couldn't cut the waves and swim away. i am not drowning, but yet i am not reaching the shore. i am just floating. and the floating part is most exhausting. ♡.

Hi me, I am feeling empty. this is like i am in a storm. so much is happening around me. but the core is empty. there is nothing left, except all the sorrows and regrets. my eyes are blind with tears. my ears hearing only silence. I am shivering but i can't move. everything is changing but the core is empty. nothing left, the storm took all of it, and the crumbles of 'I' left. ♡.

Hi me, i don't know where to start or how to start. it has been a while, right. i always wanted to write to you about my thoughts, dreams, fears and about all the silly things. my most dearest me, i thought i lost you. and i realized the  only thing i can do is hold on to you. i want to talk to you more and more. more than anything else it gives me comfort. think this as the fresh flowers in the morning which picked by the loved one. here are my greetings. to many more letters  ♡ .