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Nobody

  Hi me, i remember on one day one of my teacher of three years, asked whether i am a student on the class all those years! he couldn't believe himself  that one of 'me' was his student all those years. yes, that's me. a person who unknowingly good at art of hiding, a person unwillingly invisible, a person who don't have anything particular to noticed by everyone. neither beautiful nor ugly, neither too smart nor too dump, neither talkative nor completely quiet, just average in everything. yes i do exist! while watching cartoons or films; i have always thought that, no artist will never do a portrait of me, no screen writer write about a character just like me. even scrolling through social media sometimes i judged others and say to myself nothing special or a side kick, just like myself. i said to my friend; it is good to be unnoticed, it is good to be a nobody, it is good to be forgotten. nobody have any expectation from me, nobody will disappoint in my actions, b...
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Past and Future

  Hi me, here comes another year. on the last days of 2024, i put a lot thought about the last year. it was interesting that, how much different was the starting and ending of last year. like two opposite poles. i think that whether my 2024 jan self believe that, all this happened to my 2024 dec self. may be. because in the corner of my heart i always fear that all bad things are going to happen. it was like the proving of the law, what you fear will happen eventually. so here i am, trying to get out of my heartbreaking memories. here i am, realizing that  my gut feelings were always right. so this year my resolution is always trust your gut feeling always listen to your inner voices. cheers to the year of achievements. ♡.
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Grey

  Do you like the weather before the rain? I like, no i love that. no vibrant sunlight. no happy music playing in the background. the grey sky, without any colour. the mild cold wind which can turn into storm. just like the sad songs in my playlist i can hear the silent grey songs in the air. silent, calm. everything looks like they are in a pause, waiting for something. the gloominess before the rain, i love that. the weather always makes me peaceful, it calm my mind and sooth my soul, i become happy while looking the grey sky and i become productive. i think clearly in such weather. it ease my mind and i will get a boost up. but why, how this grey atmosphere making my soul peaceful? may be it's the gloominess of the weather, it is resonating with my soul. i am vibrating with the energy of universe. i find the silence in peace and calmness of being myself, may be the grey gloomy one, but, myself.
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The Night

Hi me, why there are days and night? after a chaotic day, a walk under the moon and stars is all i need. i listen to the gentle breeze, gazing the brightest star in the sky, whishing for a shooting star, watching the clouds passing the moon, the blue-grayish sky, the slight chilliness, the orange street lights in the distance, the self talks, the silence and the calmness. the night brings back everything together again. ♡.  
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Two Sides

  Hi me, there was a me who believed, finding positivity in everyone was right. but i was wrong. acknowledging the negatives are the hardest part. everyone is like a coin. there are sides of positives and negatives. i never looked for negatives. if i find something negative, i turn and look for the positive side, until i realized i should care for the negatives too. it's like i was deliberately not seeing what already is there. i thought it is a sin to find negatives. until now, when the negatives hits,  i realized i am making the positive picture. so, i gave up. i gave up on myself to see what it is not there. ♡.
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Half Truth

Hi me, yesterday night i couldn't sleep, i was thinking about social media. i knew what it showing was fake, it's not the full picture, it's not the complete reality. still it affected me. i was comparing myself with others. i believed that what it showing is real. i judged myself. but is there any difference between myself and others? no. i am also like that. making a fake reality by showing a smaller part of my life. making everyone to believe that i am having a perfect life. so somewhere else someone is judging themselves while liking my post. a half truth is also a lie. this is like a cycle. we are comparing over some others half truth, while we are just posting about our half truth. i want to break out from that chain. i want to embrace my imperfections. at least i can be true to myself, more sweet to myself. ♡.
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The Disappearance

Hi me, finally i got the courage to go and disappear. i knew that, social media is actually affecting me. look, i am not a carefree person. but that didn't bothered me much. what now bother me is the realization of i craved attention, i craved admiration. i did show-off, about my happy moments. but why happy moments alone? why i am showing a very little part of myself to others, rather not show at all. because none of that matter, right! now i am questioning myself, will i enjoy what happened at the moment, if i knew nobody is going to see it? so, i just disappeared. to find the truth about me. to find how can i enjoy my life in my own bubble. may be this is an escapism. don't know that, but may be this is an escape from who i am not. and above all, disappearing myself is the easiest way to forget everyone about me. but, will i ever forget the things that haunting me? ♡.  
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